Tonight and last night I was awake for hours. Just lying in bed. Thinking about my ex.
I miss so much about that relationship.
But I know it was toxic. I shouldn’t think about it.
When you know something, and you try so hard to believe what someone is telling you even though it contradicts your gut… and finally you let it go, and you start to believe you’re crazy.. and then you see them completely admit to what you thought from the start.
It’s that faulter in my own judgement that makes it hurt so bad.
The fact that against everything in my core, I brought myself to trust something that wasn’t true.
I still have dreams about my past. Who I was and what I wanted. It’s gone now.
Crazy how a person can be a mere blip as far as time in your life, but the impact they leave is staggering.
I genuinely miss the asshole who made me feel worthless… Because I realize now he never thought I was… he valued my words and emotions. Talked and listened. I’d give anything to have that with my husband.
I shouldn’t miss this person. They shouldn’t burrow into my safe places and haunt me.
I shouldn’t miss the freedom of sleeping around.
And I shouldn’t have to miss myself.
coming to check on this always makes me giggle.
I’m getting married on Friday. Thought I’d tell everyone who isn’t following my new tumblr. ^_^